Mark Twain Quotes and SayingsMark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910) |
| When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. ~Mark Twain Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. ~Mark Twain A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. ~Mark Twain It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. ~Mark Twain The report of my death was an exaggeration. ~Mark Twain Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. ~Mark Twain Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. ~Mark Twain Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. ~Mark Twain A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. ~Mark Twain In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language. ~Mark Twain Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven. ~Mark Twain Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. ~Mark Twain Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark Twain The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. ~Mark Twain There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. ~Mark Twain I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. ~Mark Twain Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. ~Mark Twain All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence -- and then success is sure. ~Mark Twain Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. ~Mark Twain The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot. ~Mark Twain It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either. ~Mark Twain I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. ~Mark Twain Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.... ~Mark Twain Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. ~Mark Twain [He was] a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. ~Mark Twain If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. ~Mark Twain Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish. ~Mark Twain Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. ~Mark Twain Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. ~Mark Twain Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. ~Mark Twain Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. ~Mark Twain It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. ~Mark Twain Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. ~Mark Twain In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. ~Mark Twain Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. ~Mark Twain It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. ~Mark Twain I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. ~Mark Twain Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. ~Mark Twain Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. ~Mark Twain The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. ~Mark Twain All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. ~Mark Twain When in doubt, tell the truth. ~Mark Twain Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. ~Mark Twain If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. ~Mark Twain Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. ~Mark Twain It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. ~Mark Twain Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. ~Mark Twain It is easier to stay out than get out. ~Mark Twain A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. ~Mark Twain Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. ~Mark Twain My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. ~Mark Twain The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. ~Mark Twain Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. ~Mark Twain You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. ~Mark Twain The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. ~Mark Twain It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. ~Mark Twain When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one. ~Mark Twain Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. ~Mark Twain It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. ~Mark Twain Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. ~Mark Twain The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. ~Mark Twain It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. ~Mark Twain Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. ~Mark Twain Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. ~Mark Twain |